It’s been looping inside my brain for a while. The promise of an era of creativity. An explosion in all directions of the visions in my mind. Words, and code and music. Motion and speed, and rhythm. Data and equations. Just all of it, assembling itself into a vortex of light and sound and color, so that the rest of the world could see what pushes against my forehead from within. I’ve tried before too. This isn’t my first blog – in fact, it’s a reboot. It’s not my first start, no, it’s a reawakening. But the raging bonfire inside is but a spark when exposed to the harsh light of reality. Knowing it’s going to suck is the biggest deterrent I face to making anything.
This isn’t the first time I’ve tried to re-start either. Looking back, I don’t know why I couldn’t. Mental fog is the best excuse. And the best excuse is like the best screen door canoe. But let’s talk a about other things, and leave the story of the desert for another time. I’m in my thirties. I had always imagined that I would no longer have anything to say once the clock ticked over 29. Yet the world is so much bigger now. I am so much wronger than I ever was. The fire inside is not the same, but it isn’t dead. There is so much more truth to be uncovered, to explore, to share and learn and grow from. I’m glad I made it to this age. I’m a black man. I was told that I should be dead or in jail now. As silly as that is in this year of our lord, two thousand and fifteen, it is something that I will never truly shake deep down in the kernel of this human OS I run on. I am truly blessed to be alive and free, and therefore, doing something with it is necessary.
I could write on facebook, or twitter. Or medium, or something of the sort. I still might at some point, but there’s something about wordpress that has pulled me back. Something a little more challenging, and a little less for the people. A little bit more maker-fashion, with wires poking out from under strips of duct tape. Sure, it’s more polished now. You can set something like this up in 10 minutes these days. But you can take the long route too, and dive into the php files and let your geek flag fly. And that’s exactly what I’m going to do. Play with this thing and tinker. Get some of these thoughts out. See some error messages and get lost in the code. Post some clips, and snippets – much of it unfinished. It probably won’t be any good. It won’t be polished. But it will be out side of my head.